IT’S JUST A VIRUS…

So Lilly had been spewing for 11 days straight and after seeing two doctors at the medical centre and being told “it’s just a virus” I decided to go to a private doctor for a third opinion. (OK now that I type “third opinion” I can see how that looks BUT Lilly was so dehydrated after 11 days of spewing that a third opinion was justified, even if I say so myself).

Having just started a new job I did not want to take too much time off work to take Lilly to her appointment, so, I worked as close to the appointment time as I could and then jumped in a cab and headed off to fetch my car which I left at the train station that morning. The driver was driving like a complete lunatic and missed the turn of. I told him not to worry that we would go and fetch Cat and Lil from crèche (as it was in the general direction he was heading seen as he missed the turn off) and then we would go back to get my car.

We arrive at the crèche and I jump out the cab while the cabbie waits in the crèche parking lot for me with the meter running, of course. Taking my bags with me I go running into the crèche and grab Cat and Lil, their bags, artwork, and cuddlies. (And before I carry on, My GOD these kids can do reams of art!). Now I am running back to the cab with 3 bags, two kids (one on hip) and artwork.  As I get to the cab I open the door and the girls start crying saying “No mommy we don’t want to go in the police car!” SHIT me threatening to call the cops when Cat and Lil are being naughty, just came back to bite me in the bum. I say “this is not a police car, this is a taxi and he is going to take us to fetch my car”, while shoving Caitlyn in the car. At that point Lilly puts one foot either side of the door and locks her legs so that I cannot get her in the car. Caitlyn somehow manages to escape over Lilly and get back out the cab. The cabbie then starts saying “it’s because I am black isn’t it!” OK DUDE… Are you really going to go there now? it’s not all about you at this point in time. So now I am trying to calm the girls down and convince the cabbie it is not because he is “black”. Somehow I manage to get the bags, kids, and artwork in the car and off we go. (Both girls had their heads buried on my chest and the cabbie is still playing the “cause I am black” card. I then explained how I threaten to call the police when they are naughty. That eventually seemed to make him feel better! We get dropped off at my car and off he goes.

I now load Cat and Lil into my car and head off to the Doctor.

Sitting in the doctors room Cat and Lil are angels and everyone is saying under their breathes “how cute” as they sit and read stories to everyone in the waiting room! And of course I am smiling like a proud mom!

We get called next… Now bearing in mind I had to call the doctor and plead my case just to get a stand-by appointment. Lil was on “death’s door” after all!

We get into the doctors rooms and before the introductions are even over, all hell broke loose! FERAL doesn’t even cover it! Cat and Lil decided to divide and conquer…

Cat stood on that the little step in front of the examination bed and pulled the fitted sheet and pillows off the bed and threw them on the floor. I jumped to my feet and started making the bed up again. While I am making the bed Lil swiped a massive pile of paperwork off the doctors desk sending the paper flying all over the room (He should really do his filing). Now I am on my hands and knees picking up the papers when Cat decides to open a cupboard and pulled its contents on the floor. I ditch picking up the papers for now, to pack the contents on the floor back into the cupboard. While I am doing this Lil got behind the desk and turned the plugs off including the doctors computer and a fridge with vaccinations in. Caitlyn then sees a machine that look like a bread machine and decides to switch it on. I have no idea what the machine did but it started making a spinning sound. I dived across from turning the plugs back on to switching the machine off.  While this is going on I am trying to “caution” (threaten if you will)  the girls in an “I have it under control” voice. (bearing in mind we are not allowed to smack children in Australia!) And all the time that this is going on the doctor is still giving me his diagnosis in a monotone voice. REALLY DUDE… you are gonna drone on while I am trying to get by kids under control… do you even think I have heard one word of what you have just said… REALLY?

Now that the doctor’s office is once again restored, Cat and Lil decide to play “stacks on” knocking things over. When I held each child by the arm and cautioned them through gritted teeth,  Lil threw herself on the floor screaming and back arching, while Caitlyn screamed back at me “NO I WILL NOT SIT DOWN”  in a “glass shattering” pitch. I kept apologising while trying to restrain Cat & Lil with no luck. At that point the doctor stops and says “I know it is frowned upon to smack your children and they need to develop their social skills but  please feel free to do whatever you need to, to rein them in. #BLUSH#

Mortified is an understatement. I have never been so embarrassed and angry in my life. In the car Cat says “I am going to tell daddy you shouted at me!” Let’s just say she is still expecting the Police to turn up to take them away! Yes – I went there again (threatening with the police)

As for Lilly’s diagnosis.. All I heard was “she’ll be fine”.

I posted a snap shot of this on Facebook and a friend comment and said “time to find a new doctor”! That’s just it… That WAS THE NEW DOCTOR!  

Humor Me!

Glass Half Empty?

One of my best friends copied me on a daily group email….called Daily Dozen. The idea is to list things that you are truly grateful for. I guess it makes you look at what is "good" in your life, because when you are doing it tough it is so easy to look at the negatives!  So I read some of the mails from other ladies in the mailing list and it went something like this….

I am grateful for:

1. The beautiful day spent with kids

2. The day on the beach with the kids

3. That my son told me he loves me

4. That I have a husband & family that love me

5. That my family are healthy

The daily dozen emails started when my glass was half empty so finding things to be grateful for was not easy but I gave it a go. Here is a copy of my list…(And just in case you think I am making it up I have included photographic evidence at the end)

Grateful that I managed to get the bum cream out of Caitlyn's hair after only 6 washes (although I had to throw her clothes away and her dolls is now sporting a hairdo that looks like something out of the movie, "Something about Mary")

Grateful that I managed to get most of the lip liner scribble out of my cream carpet

Grateful that when Lilly shouted snake it was actually just a poo she had done on the playroom carpet and not a real snake. (Shew, cause living in Australia we have some pretty impressive snakes)

Grateful that Caitlyn finger painted on the shower door, wall and towels with tooth paste which is a HELL OF A LOT easier to get off than bum cream - it could have been alot worse!

Grateful that when Caitlyn asked me to paint her nails and I said "No!" she improvised with a texter and managed to keep it to her finger nails and toe nails without getting it on my white duvet cover.

Grateful that when Caitlyn wee'd in the bed it only went on the duvet, sheets, and 3 of the pillows, and not all 4 pillows.

Grateful that I did not notice the oil marks on my clean top until after I had gotten back from the shops.

Grateful that when the kids pushed a water fountain over at the beach cottage we hired for the weekend, they only broke it, but never broke one of their feet as it landed on the floor.

Grateful that I found 3 full pairs of earrings (out of 10) after crawling on the floor on my hands and knees looking for them after the kids threw the pot that I keep them in across the room, without the lid on (of course!)

Grateful that I am not the only one that hates my job

Grateful that today is a creche day so kids can cause havoc at creche rather than at home.

Grateful for the people who invented GIN and TONIC!

I don’t email my daily dozen (infact this was the only list I ever sent out), but I do love the concept, and reading everyone else's lists.  I find that when you look at what you have to be grateful for you seem to find more and more, and then all of a sudden that half empty glass starts being half full.  (Or Craig topped up my Gin and Tonic again?)  

This post is in no way sponsored by Sudocrem, Napoleon, Colgate or Artline - however if you know of anyone that works there - tell them from me - GREAT PRODUCTS - "Sticks like shit to a blanket" (as they say in the classics)   

Copy CAT

So “they” (the infamous “they” that we are yet to meet) say that kids are like sponges and absorb everything you say and do! .  I thought Pfftt… nah, surely you would have to repeat it enough times for them to pick up (and use it at an inappropriate time, of course).

Well it seems Caitlyn has proved me wrong yet again! We are going through “that” stage at the moment.

So I was driving the girls to crèche the other morning and stopped to let a lady into the traffic! I motioned to the lady to go. She just sat there. Again, I motioned to the lady to go. And again she just sat there. So AGAIN I motioned to her to go but this time said “GO” (as if she could hear me). Again she sat. This time I motioned to her to go and yelled “COME ON…GO.” At that point Caitlyn yells “COME ON YOU STUPID COW, GO!” Um… ok truth be told, I let that one slip a while ago and thought the kids were preoccupied in the back and never heard me. SEEMS I WAS WRONG Caitlyn HEARS EVERYTHING! She stores it in her little “to be used” folder for a rainy day! And that day just arrived! Back peddling I told Caitlyn that I could not see a cow anywhere and it is not very nice to call someone a cow… Even if they can’t drive to save their lives!

We were coming out the crèche one day and an older boy was acting silly in front of us. Caitlyn rolls her eyes and says “Stop being an idiot” and I will admit…it was exactly what I was thinking. Next thing the mother of this boy turned to Caitlyn and said “That is not a very nice thing to say”. I shook my head and said “She must have heard that from one of the other kids at school.” Meanwhile I was thanking God while hightailing it out of there that she only called him an idiot! SHEW….I got off lightly!

Cat and Lil were playing with their dolls in the play room the other day and I overheard Caitlyn say  to her doll, “now sit down and stop being a little shit!”  UM…..OK, I have nothing to say (insert BLUSH here)

On Saturday we went out and Caitlyn wanted to get out her car seat but couldn’t work the seat belt on the child seat. In frustration she yells “BLOODY”…. again, it could have been worse…SHEW!

When Caitlyn or Lilly say a word that we deem as inappropriate we tell them “that is a mommy/daddy word and you are not allowed to use that word or we will wash your mouth out with your shampoo” (that reminds me I need to replace the kids shampoo because it seems it is not very child friendly and burns their eyes – but when threatened with having their mouths washed with it, it works a treat). So the other day I said to Caitlyn “we are going to have breakfast with Tarryne”. Caitlyn repeats the word Tarryne, giggles and says “Mommy am I allowed to say that word?” When I said yes…. She said TARRYNE TARRYNE TARRYNE and giggled cause it was a word she was not getting in to trouble for saying!  

Caitlyn was playing she was the teacher last night. She calls Lilly and says “come over here and sit on your boddem”. Lilly not wanting to play along gets up and walks away. Caitlyn jumps off the couch and runs after Lilly saying “LILLY TODD COME HERE AT ONCE”. Monkey see monkey do. Clearly copying her teacher at crèche.  When I told the teacher she smiled and said “don’t think you get of lightly either!” Apparently Caitlyn was telling the class at teatime how I yell at them every morning to hurry up and gave them a blow for blow account of how our mornings play out! (BLUSH)  

The other night Craig was nagging Caitlyn over and over again, saying "do you love me Caitlyn?" When she wouldn't answer Craig pretended to cry. Caitlyn turns to Craig and says "SUCK IT UP CUPCAKE!" Yip clearly she has stored that one a way for a rainy day! Craig and I were in fits of laughter as we hadn’t heard that one come out before! It just seems that they file these words/sayings/actions away and then BAM when you least expect it, it comes out!

I said to Caitlyn one morning - "Come on it is time for school, let's go". She says "I can't go to school today!" So I said "why not?" She says "because I don't have my lips on, and I am not leaving this house without my lips!". Cat refused to budge until I put "lips" on her. Seems Caitlyn is watching my every move these days! I caught her (on so many occasions I have lost count) in my make up draw the other day. I yelled “What are you doing in there?” Caitlyn turned to look at me and had a unibrow painted across her forehead. After I had scraped myself off the floor from laughing I said “what is that on your forehead?” She says “I don’t know mommy but I want to look like you!” Clearly she has seen me using a brow brush and thinks I am putting mascara on my eyebrows. It was after I posted this on Facebook that a friend reminded me that little girls want to be just like their mommy’s and that is why they copy EVERYTHING.    

I must admit when I overhear Caitlyn using “nice” words, like when she calls Lilly “My Angel”, “My Poppet” or “My Sweetheart” it brings such a sense of joy to me! That is when I sit back and think Ok maybe we are not doing such a bad job after all! Well we make it up as we go along and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t but we do have a few laughs along the way.

Routine Schmootine…

Does a routine really work?

 I was one of these mothers that was NOT going to let a child rule my life. Cat and Lil had to fit into our lives, NOT the other way around. I hated these moms that couldn’t meet for a coffee because it was over their child’s nap time, or a meal time… Ever heard of “feeding on the run” lady. There was a lady in my mother’s group that you could not have a proper conversation with! She was constantly looking at her watch because at this time the child had to have a bottle and by that time the child should have had a dump and then they would have to leave because by that time the child had to be asleep. NOT FOR ME THANKS Routine was NOT going to rule my life! ROUTINE SCHMOOTINE is what I say!

 

Well I was sadly mistaken! It IS all about ROUTINE ROUTINE ROUTINE! (that is big coming from someone who swore blind that I was not going to be ruled by routine). I think we actually started making headway with Cat and Lil the minute we introduced a routine and stuck to it! We would find a routine that fitted in with us, implement it and when it started working we thought “we have nailed these two” no more need for routine! BUT the kids would start acting up again and we would be back to square one! So when it comes to routine the key thing is STICKING TO IT!

This is how our day goes:

6.30am – Wake girls up (if they aren’t already awake) and dress them

7.00am – Downstairs for toast before crèche (while mom and dad run around like lunatics trying to iron work clothes, make lunch for work, do the kids hair all whilst trying to throw a cup of coffee down our throats before running out the door)
7.45am – Drop the girls at crèche where there is routine all day.

(On a weekend)

12.00pm – Lunch
1.00pm – Nap time
3.30pm – Wake up from nap time

5.45pm – Fetch the Cat and Lil from crèche on the way home from work
6.10pm – Feed the girls their dinner
6.30pm – Take the girls upstairs for a bath
7.00pm – Put the girls in bed and lights out

7.01pm – I am on the couch with a well deserved glass of wine!  

On the days we don’t put Cat and Lil to bed on time, the next day is a complete write off. If we let the girls sleep even 10 minutes later than 3.30pm for their afternoon nap, our afternoon is a write off! They turn into two little “Feraleenies” for the rest of the afternoon.  Another thing I thought was baloney…. Was telling Cat and Lil what is coming next in the routine… “What to anticipate.”  My thinking was I am the Mother and you bloody well do what you are told! But again I was sadly mistaken. Nothing like a child or two to prove you wrong! I find if we “just do” something in the routine, like take the girls upstairs for a bath… when we get upstairs, it is like a massive surprise to them… “REALLY Cat and Lil… we do this every night at the same time (because Heaven forbid we break the routine) so why is it such a freaking surprise to you?”  So now while we are downstairs having dinner we say “come on Caitlyn and Lilly we need to finish our dinner so we can go upstairs for a bath.” And then when they are finished dinner we say “come on girls let’s go upstairs for a bath”.   Then when we get upstairs (just in case they forgot on the way upstairs) we say “ok now it is time for our bath”. While they are IN the bath we start the “when we are finished bathing we are going to get ready for bed!” Then, when we take them out the bath we say “ok let go and put our pajama’s on because it is bed time.” So not only is it all about Routine but it is about constantly reminding them what is coming next… AS IF THEY DIDN’T KNOW!

Routine is King but it is very draining. I feel like a hamster on a treadmill, doing the same thing day in and day out, at the same times every day! I feel like letting my hair down, and just going nuts! I feel like kicking norm(al) in its Arse! I am over routine! It is the same old, same old, day in, and day out!

BUT sadly ROUTINE IS KING!!! (in our house anyway)

Toddlers and Tantrums…. EVER!

 Well I am becoming quiet the “Googler” with Cat and Lil let me tell you.  I reckon if I had no kids Google would go out of business… I don’t have my mother in Australia, so I have to get the advice one would normally ask a mom for, from Google, because when my kids are chucking a tantie I want answers NOW, not when I have worked out the time difference and if it is an Ok to call! I WANT THE ANSWERS NOW!  If Google was a person I could just imagine “Her” as a big woman, with a very kind, soft voice, and big arms to hug you and she would say “Don’t worry Sam, I have just the answer”.

So my latest Googling expedition has been trying to find tips on Toddlers and Tantrum chucking, because my kids deserve an Oscar for the tantrums they throw. Cat and Lil will chuck a tantie over the smallest things, like, Lilly wants to get in her high chair on her own (by mounting the coffee table and climbing over the back of the high chair to get in it (my shattered nerves.) Or Lilly wants to put her own shoes on especially when you are running 20 minutes late for work. Or Caitlyn wants the pink bowl that Lilly has, NOT THE BLUE ONE. Or Caitlyn wants love hearts on her socks today NOT THE BEARS! Or Caitlyn will tell me she wants her hair like Annabel’s today and I have to guess how Annabel wears her hair – GOD help me if I guess wrong because that will send Caitlyn over the edge. Just to stop there and give you a background on Caitlyn’s friend Annabel… She is a gorgeous little girl with THICK curly hair. We are talking tight ringlets here peeps! Now I ask you with tears in my eyes "HOW CAN I POSSIBLY DO YOUR HAIR LIKE ANNABEL’S, CAITLYN?" I cringe on the mornings I get asked to do Caitlyn’s hair like Annabel’s because I know that it is going to end in a tantrum!

Anyway… so the latest Googling expedition started because Cat and Lil’s tanties are getting worse… Caitlyn is now throwing, what I call “assertive” tanties.

Caitlyn, 3 going on 13, had the mother of all tanties yesterday morning! She wanted her bunny rabbit and Lilly's, which Lilly refused to hand over. I told Caitlyn she could not have Lilly's rabbit. Next thing Caitlyn screams at me in a deep voice (insert “Assertive Tantie” here)  "I DON'T LIKE YOU, AND I DON'T WANT YOU....EVER". Somehow Cat and Lil think that if they throw in the “EVER” on the end, it means serious business! To me... it means Caitlyn scored herself 20 minutes in the Naughty Corner... So don't be trying that on me again Missy..... EVER!

This morning Caitlyn asked to wear a skirt to crèche. I told her it was too cold and she had to wear leggings. She stormed to the bedroom door and yelled “I DON’T LIKE YOU AND YOU ARE NOT MY FRIEND….(Yip you guessed it) EVER” and slams the bedroom door on her way out. I go to open the bedroom door so I can punish her and to my disappointment Caitlyn had already taken herself off to the naughty corner! I guess she figured that was where she was going to end up and she accepted her fate!

Everyone has different ways of punishing their children and there is no right or wrong way! I have learnt the long and hard way that you just need to find something that works for you and your kids. When we were growing up we would get the odd smack here and there and it never killed us, but I once smacked Caitlyn on her bottom and she turned around and laughed in my face and said “Again”! OMG that was me finished! So smacking does not work on my children. The naughty corner seems to be the only thing that Cat and Lil respond to. When we put Lilly in the corner, her whole world come crashing down. She cries but the tears don’t even have enough time to roll down her cheeks they just shoot straight out in front of her! (breaks your heart to watch it). Caitlyn seemed to get used to the naughty corner but now we make her face the corner which she does not like – which means I do, because I know it is working.

Caitlyn has come home from crèche before and come to me fighting back the tears and said “Mommy can I go in the naughty corner”. I said “Errr… yes! Sure you can” and off she has gone. When she got to the corner she screamed and cried and went ballistic and then when she was calm she came out the corner and said “thank you Mommy, I feel better now!”… UM OK then! (insert dropped jaw, and look of shock and disbelief on my face). I like that Caitlyn feels she has a place to let off steam if she needs to.

I will never forget – and in my defence, this was pre-kids… I was in Kmart and there was a child throwing a God Almighty tantrum in the middle of the shop. We are talking, lying on the floor kicking and screaming here peeps. Horrified a mother can allow her child to go that mental and just stand there watching… I marched up to her and said “excuse me lady but do you mind! I am trying to shop here and your child carrying on like that, is making my shopping experience unpleasant!” When I think of that day I can just die because now that I have toddlers and they are at the tantrum stage (and boy when my kids wanna throw a tantrum there is no holding them back!) I think I would seriously head butt anyone that said that to me!

People without kids are the first to judge and give advice, and YES! I was one of those people. I have just come to the realization that there is no one thing that will work on all children! Google the bejesus out of it until you find something that works for you and your kids. The other thing I do strongly believe in, and have learnt this the hard way…. 1. Consistency is key, 2. it takes about three days to work and for the kids to fully GET the new rules your are “trying” to implement so STICK TO YOUR GUNS! And the last things is 3. DON’T threaten (I said to Caitlyn the other day “Caitlyn I am counting… One…. T..” and she shouts “TWO, THREE, FOUR” – EPIC FAIL – that is when you realize your kids have your sussed as a “threatner’ and not a doer)   (I am actually not sure if “Threatner” is even a word but you pick up what I am putting down!)

Funny I read this back now and it sounds like I have it all under control - DON'T BE FOOLED, I am forever in tears or on Google. It is trial and error all the way!

Mothers Day... Schmothers Day...

Growing up I always thought Mothers Day was just another day invented as a money making racquet! A day where you feel compelled to go out and buy your Mother a gift or flowers or take her out for breakfast, lunch or dinner…. Pfffttt….

Now that I am a Mother I have come to realize why I truly appreciate everything my mother does and has done for me. The sacrifices she has made for me, the times she said “No” and I thought she was just saying “No” to be spiteful, meanwhile she always had my best interests at heart! I would do anything to be able to spend Sunday with my mom and tell her how grateful I am for everything she has done and sacrificed for me. I live in Sydney and my family live in South Africa, so I don’t have the luxury of celebrating Mothers Day with my Mom, my BEST FRIEND!

BUT….

Now that I am a Mother…. Mothers Day is MY DAY!  So Caitlyn and Lilly (insert Craig *here*)  when you are planning MY SPECIAL DAY just bear in mind all the times I have woken to your screaming in the night, the times you have thrown up on me, the times I have sat in a hospital waiting room for up to six hours with you on my lap as sick as a dog, the tantrums I have put up with, the “I don’t like that’s” , and the “I don’t want this”. Cat and Lil (Aka Craig)…it’s gonna cost you!

I was fortunate enough to attend a Mother Day Morning Tea that the girls crèche hosted. Seeing the proud little faces when the girls presented me with the Mothers day cards they had made, and the cup cakes they iced by themselves, and the book marks they made, is more than I could ever ask for.   

It takes being a Mom to really appreciate what a mother will do for you! All the little things you take for granted.

To all the Moms out there, I hope you have a wonderful day! Why? BECAUSE YOU'RE WORTH IT!