WHY?......

Everyone talks about the “Terrible  Two’s, the “Trying Three’s, and (the newly discovered) “F***ing Fours” But no one told me about the “Why’s”….

Caitlyn is going through (what I call) the “Annoying Why’s”. I have heard other kids do it to their moms and witnessed the mom’s getting irritated, and used to think, SHAME MAN they just have enquiring minds! But my GOD Caitlyn takes the cake on this one!

In the kitchen – I was making chicken salad sandwiches for Craig and I for lunch today.

Caitlyn:                 “Mommy why are you drying the beetroot on the serviette?”

Me:                        “Because if I don’t it will make the sandwich soggy”        

Caitlyn:                 “Why?”

Me:                        “Because it is wet and if you put wet things on bread it makes the bread go soggy”

Caitlyn:                 “Why?”

Me:                        “Because.”

Caitlyn:                 “Why?”

Me:                        “Go get your bag because we need to go to school now.”

We get into the car and the onslaught continues :

Caitlyn:                 “Mommy why have you got my lunch bag in the car?”

Me:                        “Because I made sandwiches for Daddy and I for lunch today!”  

Caitlyn:                 “Why?”

Me:                        “Cause we need to have lunch, and I am not going to buy lunches anymore .”

Caitlyn:                 “Why?”               

Me:                        “Because it gets expensive and I am trying to be good on my diet?”

Caitlyn:                 “Why?”

Craig steps in here: “So we can save money to send you to school”

Caitlyn:                 “Why?”

Before Craig can answer Caitlyn spots a lady standing on the side of the road……

Caitlyn:                 “Mommy why is that lady standing on the side of the road?”

Me:                        “Because she is waiting for the bus”

Caitlyn:                 “Why?”

Me:                        “Cause she doesn’t have a car, so she needs to catch a bus”

Caitlyn:                 “Why?”

Me:                        “Because she needs to get to work.”

Caitlyn:                 “Why?”

Me:                        “Because she needs to earn money”

Caitlyn:                 “Why?”

Me:                        “So she can buys some toys.”

Caitlyn:                 “Why?”

Me:                        “Cause she doesn’t have any.”

Caitlyn:                 “Why?”

Me:                        “CAITLYN COUNT HOW MANY BUSSES YOU CAN SEE”

Caitlyn:                 “Why?”

Me:                        …..silence (in the hopes the questions will stop).

Caitlyn then spots a school girl walking to the bus stop…

Caitlyn:                 “Mommy what’s that girls name?”

Me:                        “Caitlyn I don’t know”

Caitlyn:                 “Why?”

Me:                        …..silence.

LUCKILY we arrived at crèche before the next onslaught of “Why?” I love that Caitlyn wants to learn but geez kid “throw the dog a bone” Now I know why my mom used to say “BECAUSE I SAID SO!” and that was the end of that!  Anyhoo I am off to Google “a cure” for the “Annoying Why’s” if there is such a thing (as a cure)….

A day in the life of our TODDlers…

Yesterday the kids were whingey because they were bored… and then it hit me… I would put them to work! We have a mandarin tree in the back yard that has shed about 300 mandarins, I kid you not! So I got a box and put it under the mandarin tree and told the girls that if they filled the box they would get pocket money (Don’t be fooled they don’t know what pocket money is BUT when I explained they could use their pocket money to buys toys, they understood VERY quickly)! An hour later the box was filled and it only cost me $1 per child to keep then entertained! Talk about a cheapskate mom – NO - I call it CLEVER MOMMY!   Seeing how well it worked I then had several chores for them to complete and each chore they earned a dollar! JOB(S) DONE!

Having done enough chores for one day Caitlyn and Lilly decided they wanted to go and play with their porcelain tea sets they got for their birthdays. While they are walking off to go and play I overhear Caitlyn say to Lilly, “Lilly you have to be very careful or there are going to be tears, the tea set is VERY glass”…  Sounded a little familiar… So Caitlyn does pick up what I put down after all.

Then last night we were all sitting in the TV room and Caitlyn was sitting on the couch next to me singing a song. She then stops and says to Lilly “Lilly, come here I need you” while motioning Lilly over with her index finger. She then says “Come on Lilly I have spoken”. “I need you Lilly, come and sit here on your boddem”… reluctantly Lilly walked over and sat on the floor. Caitlyn then says “Ok Lilly sing with me.” Lilly started signing but it was more mumbling the words then singing. Caitlyn stops singing and says “Lilly I can’t hear you, you are going to have to sing a little louder!” When Lilly started signing louder Caitlyn says “Good girl Lilly, that’s much better!”  Bha ha ha ha seems Caitlyn picks up what her teacher put down as well! Ahhh My child does have hears after all!

While we were listening to Caitlyn and Lilly, Coppers came on TV. Caitlyn gave up on Lilly’s piss poor singing attempt and started watching the reality show. A man was caught stealing and was handcuffed and thrown in jail. Caitlyn says “Mommy why did that man put bangles on the other man?” I explained that they are handcuffs and what they are used for. Satisfied with the answer she continues to watch. Next thing the arrested man was thrown in Jail. Caitlyn turns to me and says “Mommy why is that man in a cage?” I explained that he had stolen and you are not allowed to steal and if you do they put you in jail for a very long time. She thinks about it for a minute and says “Mommy, Daddy was gone for a long time, was he in Jail?” I had to fight back my laugh and explain that Daddy was in Singapore on business and not in Jail. (When we arrived at crèche this morning I had to tell the teachers that Craig has been in Singapore and NOT jail as Caitlyn will tell them otherwise)  

I then went upstairs and was running a bath for the kids. Lilly was standing on the step throwing the face clothes in the bath. She then swung her leg over the bath in an attempt to get into the bath. I said “Lilly don’t do that you are going to fall in, Mommy is still running the bath and we need to take your clothes off.” Next thing I hear S L A S H and turned around to see Lilly had fallen into the bath, and got burnt by the hot water that was running. I grabbed Lilly out and she screamed her little guts out. When I finally got her to calm down I said ‘Lilly, that is why mommy asks you not to come into the bathroom until I call you, because I don’t want you to hurt yourself.” I said “Did you get a big fright my baby”. She nods and says “My dress fell in the bath and then I got a big fright”…. Errr my little sausage,you were in the dress when it fell in the bath, need I remind you...

All in the day of a TODDler!

DADDY'S HOME!!!

Craig arrived from Singapore this morning... There is a God after all!

We woke up and went downstairs to wait for Craig to arrive. The excitement was very high, but I had to giggle at these poor kids. Every time the neighbours came and went (and slammed their car doors) my kids thought it was daddy arriving so they ran to the front door screaming with excitement! We would open the front door and there was no one and their little faces would drop.

When Daddy finally emerged from the taxi these kids just about pooed their pants they were so excited! They were jumping on the top step screaming "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!"

Lilly throws her arms around Craig's neck and says "I LOVE YOU DADDY". Caitlyn, just wanting to get down to business, leads Craig into the lounge with his bags and says "where are my presents daddy?" WELCOME HOME, SCHMELCOME HOME!!!

Craig brought the kids some bracelets, among other things. Caitlyn comes to me and asks me to put her bracelets on. STOOPID me I go to put them on her arm and Caitlyn says "NO MOMMY" and gives me a cheesy grin and says "put my bracelets on my teeth like Miss Mandy." Durrr where else would bracelets go. (Miss Mandy, the teacher at creche has "BRACES" on her teeth).

It is nice to have Craig home although the kids have verbal diarrhoea (wonder where they get that from) so we haven't had a complete conversation yet!

Later this afternoon I was horsing around with Caitlyn and accidently broke her bracelet. I said "I am so sorry my baby, it was just an accident." Seeing the dissapointment in her face I said "how about I try and super glue it for you?" She shrugs and says "I don't care what you do, just fix it!" Errr OK I have been told off by my 3 year old!

Google 1… Cat and Lil 0….

So after the morning I had yesterday, I decided to Google the bejezuz out of parenting tips! I needed advice on how to "tame my toddlers" before I got home from work. I have a 2 and 3 year old, both going on 13! It was time to take back control!

Let me tell you a little bit about my morning yesterday… (Bearing in mind Craig is in Singapore on business so I am flying solo this week).

We woke up and Caitlyn declared she wanted to get dressed! 2 Tantrums later (cause she is a fashion guru last we checked!) we finally agreed on an outfit. JOB DONE! Yeah right!

I start changing Lilly, turn around and Bugger me Joe, Caitlyn has stripped naked and declares “I don’t want to wear that”! So we went through the undie options again because apparently the undies we picked out for her previously didn’t go with the outfit “HUH?” WHAT OUTFIT?, YOU ARE NAKED! So another 3 tantrums later she found something she was prepared to wear and even found undies to go with the outfit! OBVIOUSLY nothing matched which made my arse twitch – me being the matchy matchy kinda person I am, BUT I was prepared to let it slide for fear of another tantrum!

We go downstairs and Caitlyn gets on her scooter and starts riding into Lilly, who is screaming blue murder. After a few threats and perforated ear drums (from Lilly screaming) I yell like a fish wife for Caitlyn to stop! She looks at me, smiles and rides straight into Lilly again! (Blood boiling doesn’t even cover it right now). So I walk towards Caitlyn and she abandons her scooter and runs for cover upstairs.

A few minutes later both kids come into the kitchen and started bleating for a banana, so I give them one each and continue getting ready for work. By this stage I am already 20 minutes late.

I get the kids in the car and we are about to leave when Caitlyn throw the mother of all tantrums because now her shoes don’t match her outfit. “OK WHAT it already looks like a rainbow threw up on you, so what do you MEAN your shoes don’t match your outfit?” So I run back inside to find “suitable” shoes. Finally now 30 minutes late we are ready to leave.  

While I am driving Caitlyn starts whining in the back of the car for another banana. So I said “NO Caitlyn, you already had one and the bananas in your bag are for school” (we have to take a piece of fruit for each child to school each day).

Next thing I see, in the review mirror, something fell off the roof of my car, so I pull over and go to have a look! I had put my sunglasses on the roof and driven off – that is something Craig does, NOT ME!  Ok now sunglasses in hand, and God knows how late by this stage, I start marching back up the road! I get to the car and Caitlyn has taken the bananas out her school bag and handed one to Lilly and she has one. They have both opened their bananas and smooshied them in their hands!  Let’s just say I heard a sound come out my mouth from the pit of my stomach that I had never heard nor knew I was capable of making. Lilly threw her banana to the front of the car – That’s right my baby ditch the evidence… But a tip for next time, you kinda want to ditch the evidence before mom catches you!  We drove to crèche in complete silence and when I looked in the review mirror both girls had eyes like saucers!

I got to work and almost had a breakdown.  It must have been obvious because everyone gave me a wide berth and the HR Director strolled on over and said “anything you wanna talk about?”.  I decided there and then that I would not go home unless I was prepared for Cat and Lil! I Googled every parenting website I could find on Terrible Two’s and Trying Three’s  (this is where I discovered there is also a F***ing Four’s and so it goes on – And everyone said it gets better! Well I have two words for those people “BITE”, “ME” ).

Let’s just say Caitlyn and Lilly came off second best last night! They have new respect! “That’s right beeatches…BRING IT…. Mommy, thanks to Google (this is not an Ad, Google is the only search thingie I know – being the Techno Dork I am) I was armed with every parenting tip known to man!

1. We now have reward charts for the things they (and I) struggle with – Eating, Bedtime and Dressing! (Caitlyn is LOVING this – we did try it a year ago but she was too small and didn’t quite get it) This morning Caitlyn opened her eyes and said “Mommy can we get dressed so I can get another sticker on my chart.”             
2. I speak ONCE and then it is the naughty corner. No more “I am giving you a warning” and three warnings later, or “I am counting to three” – ONCE AND IT IS GAME OVER!
3. I give them a CHOICE. Caitlyn asked for water so I poured her water in a cup, but she didn’t want THAT cup and threw a tantie. So normally we would change the cup. NOT THIS TIME. I put the cup on the counter and said Caitlyn you have a CHOICE. You can drink your water or you can go without it, it is YOUR CHOICE.” When She continued to go spastic I gave her another CHOICE: “Caitlyn you can have your water or you can have your tantrum in the corner.” It is YOUR CHOCIE. She went for the water….funny that!
4. Then while the girls were eating their dinner I went into Caitlyn’s room and removed EVERTHING that was not a piece of furniture. Every fluffy toy, bed side lamp, hair clips, nappies, you name it I removed it. I then changed the position of her change table so it was no longer under the light switch. (Caitlyn uses her Change table as a ladder to turn her light on so she can play when she should be sleeping). Funny thing is Caitlyn squealed when she saw her “new room” and couldn’t wait to go to bed, until it was lights out and then she realized she had nothing to play with nor could she turn the light on! MOM 1… CAITLYN 0….   
5. This morning I laid two outfit out and two pairs of undies and said “Caitlyn you can choose what you want to wear today!” NEEDLESS to say she chose the top from this outfit and the pants from that outfit! BUT there was no tantrum and she felt like she had decided what she was wearing so it was smiles all round. Caitlyn does not like to be TOLD what to wear but giving her a choice of (only) two outfits rather than standing in front of a wardrobe full of clothes and endless options, she still felt like she was in control over what she wearing!  

 We left for work on time today and there was not a single tantie in our house today! So, as much as I would like to say MOM 1…. CAT AND LIL 0…. I think I owe it to Google!

Introducing Cat and Lil.

Caitlyn (Aka Kitty Cat, Noo-Noo, Noo-Noo Bugs) is 3 years  old
and
Lilly (Aka Lil's, Lilsie, Lilly Bugs, Lilly-Lu, Lilsie-Loosie, and Lu Lu) is 2 years old


Don't they look like little angels! Well don't be fooled! Have I got some stories to share with you.... Watch this space!

To Blog or Not to Blog

I am a bit of a techno dork and very new to this "blogging" thing. I have Facebook (just to keep up with the cool kids) and Gmail and that is where it ends for me! Most of my status updates on Facebook are about my girls - Caitlyn and Lilly. I use my status updates to vent about the kids but my friends find it quiet entertaining. Several people have commented on my status's saying "you should start a blog". And that is how I got here!  

So to give you a background...

I have two little girls, Caitlyn (3) and Lilly (2). Caitlyn was born on the 10th March and Lilly was born on the 15th of March a year later! NUTS I hear you say... but there was method in our madness! We thought that we would get it out the way - done and dusted - shut up shop... finished and kla...you get my drift! We wanted our girls to grow up closely like my sister and I did, play together and entertain each other. So I was stoked when I fell pregnant (first go) with Lilly, 3 months after Caitlyn was born.. STUPIDLY we never EVER thought about the cost of child care and having the kids so close together! So I am faced with a $4800 child care bill a month (once the Government rebate runs out). It is crippling us financially as it exceeds our mortgage! HAVE YOU EVER! 

Caitlyn and Lilly were both born with reflux. Caitlyn had silent reflux and Lilly "presented". Being a new mom and way out of my depth, I was at the pead's office in tears every week, sometimes twice a week. I couldn't take the screaming and I didn't know how to make it better. The one visit I just sat and sobbed my heart out. When the pead felt it was safe to approach he walked around the desk and put his arm on my shoulder and said "You know what the difference is?" I said "What?" He said "You are just not as good at lying as the others!" Confused I said "Um I am confused, what do you mean?" He said "all the other moms are going through the shame thing, but they don't want to be seen as not coping, so they smile and act as if it is the most wonderful thing in the world!" He said "I can assure you, you are not alone!" He then smiled, tapped me on the shoulder and said "learn to lie better!" I guess I still haven't mastered the art of lying because I'm a "tell it like it is" kinda person. No frills because "it is what it is"....

Anyway so I try and have a laugh by posting what you might think are funny (but they are actual) stories about the girls!

I hope you enjoy the posts... or blogs... or whatever they are called?